October 26, 2026
Introduction
A child says, “I do not want to go.” For parents following a court-ordered parenting time schedule, those words can create a difficult situation. One parent may worry about upsetting the child. The other may believe the child is being encouraged to stay away. The first step is to understand why the child is refusing and what the court order requires.
After more than 20 years of practicing law, my approach is to take a child’s concerns seriously while helping parents understand their responsibility to address the problem. A child should not have to carry the burden of deciding whether a court order will be followed.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
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Can a Child Refuse to Participate in Scheduled Parenting Time?
Generally, a child cannot decide whether court-ordered parenting time takes place.
Indiana’s Parenting Time Guidelines place that responsibility on the parents. They identify an unjustified refusal by the child as an unacceptable reason to deny parenting time. Both parents must work toward compliance.
A parent should be cautious about saying:
“My child does not want to go, so there is nothing I can do.”
That response leaves important questions unanswered. What is causing the refusal? What has each parent done to help?
I encourage parents to address resistance early. Waiting until missed visits become a pattern can make the underlying problem harder to resolve.
Does the Child’s Age or Reason for Refusing Make a Difference?
Yes.
A young child who struggles with transitions may need a different response than a teenager with an established routine and a strained relationship with a parent.
Indiana’s Guidelines recognize that a child’s age, maturity, routine, response to transitions, and emotional needs matter when developing an appropriate parenting plan. They also address parenting time specifically for adolescents and teenagers.
An older child’s concerns may call for greater flexibility and discussion, but age alone does not give the child authority to cancel the schedule.
The reason for refusing also matters.
For example, a child might:
- Want to attend an activity with friends;
- Dislike different household rules;
- Feel uncomfortable moving between homes;
- Be upset about an unresolved disagreement;
- Experience serious anxiety; or
- Report abuse, neglect, or another safety concern.
These situations deserve different responses. A preference to stay with friends should not be treated the same way as a report of harm.
My recommendation is to begin with calm, open-ended questions. Parents need to understand what the child is saying before deciding how to respond.
Avoid suggesting answers or pressuring the child to take sides.
What Is a Parent Expected to Do When a Child Refuses Parenting Time?
A parent should actively address the refusal rather than simply accept it.
Indiana’s Guidelines direct parents to explore the reason for the child’s hesitation, communicate with each other, and seek help when needed. They also recognize the need to protect a child when safety is compromised.
Practical steps include:
Listen Without Putting the Child in Charge
Let the child explain the concern. Acknowledge the feeling without promising that parenting time will be canceled.
A parent might say:
“I hear that you are upset. Tell me what is worrying you so we can work on it.”
Prepare for the Exchange
Keep the routine predictable. Have clothing, medication, school materials, and other necessary items ready.
Avoid making the exchange the setting for an argument.
Communicate Directly With the Other Parent
Explain the concern calmly and describe what happened. Keep the child out of adult negotiations.
When safe and appropriate, discuss practical solutions.
Keep Clear Records
I recommend recording the date, the concern expressed, the efforts made to complete the exchange, and communications between the parents.
Specific facts are more useful than broad accusations such as “the other parent never cooperates.”
Seek Help Before the Problem Grows
Depending on the circumstances, legal guidance, counseling, or a request for court assistance may be appropriate.
Supporting parenting time should not become a dangerous physical struggle. If an exchange becomes unsafe, focus on immediate safety and obtain prompt help.
If a child reports immediate danger, contact emergency services as needed. Suspected abuse or neglect should be reported to the appropriate authorities. Seek legal advice promptly about emergency court relief.
Can a Parent Get in Trouble When the Child Refuses?
Potentially.
Unjustified violations of a parenting time order can lead to contempt proceedings. Attorney fees may also be awarded in an enforcement action. A child’s resistance does not automatically excuse a parent’s conduct.
However, a missed exchange does not automatically establish contempt either.
If enforcement becomes necessary, I would want a clear record of what occurred and what the parent did to address it. That includes genuine safety concerns and efforts to obtain timely assistance.
When Can a Child’s Refusal Lead to a Change in the Parenting Time Order?
A continuing refusal may lead a parent to ask the court to review the arrangement.
Under Indiana Code § 31-17-4-2, a court may modify parenting time when the change serves the child’s best interests. Restricting a parent’s parenting time requires a finding that parenting time might endanger the child’s physical health or significantly impair the child’s emotional development.
The refusal itself does not decide the outcome.
A request for modification should explain:
- What is causing the difficulty;
- How the child is being affected;
- What efforts have been made to resolve it; and
- Why the proposed change would help the child.
Depending on the evidence, a proposed solution might address exchange arrangements, scheduling, counseling, or a structured plan for rebuilding contact. Supervision or suspension involves additional legal considerations.
When evaluating a possible modification, I focus on the connection between the problem and the requested solution. Asking for less parenting time without explaining how that change helps the child leaves a major question unanswered.
A lasting agreed change should be put in writing and submitted for court approval so it is enforceable.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can my teenager decide to stop visiting the other parent?
A teenager’s concerns deserve attention, but the child does not control whether scheduled parenting time occurs.
Should I ignore my child’s concerns because there is a court order?
No. Listen carefully, identify the problem, and take appropriate steps to address it.
Should I stop requesting parenting time if my child keeps refusing?
Before allowing the situation to continue, seek advice about your options. Keep communications calm and document your efforts to maintain contact.
Does refusal automatically justify supervised parenting time?
No. Restrictions require evidence and the necessary legal findings.
Address the Reason Behind the Refusal
A child’s refusal is a reason to investigate and respond.
It may reflect a transition problem, a damaged relationship, competing activities, or a serious concern that requires immediate attention.
After more than 20 years in practice, I believe parents are best served by a clear plan: listen to the child, document the facts, address safety, and seek timely help when the existing arrangement is breaking down.
Speak With an Indiana Family Law Attorney
If your child is refusing parenting time, or the other parent is relying on that refusal to deny contact, the Bellinger Law Office can help you understand your options.
We assist parents in Fort Wayne, Allen County, and Northeast Indiana with parenting time disputes, enforcement, and modification requests.
Contact the Bellinger Law Office by calling us at (260) 428-2214, or by clicking the link below, to schedule a consultation about your Indiana family law matter.
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This article is for general educational purposes only. It is not legal advice. Reading this article does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every legal matter depends on its own facts and circumstances.
